Where to start?
\nIn the voice of sanity \u2013 there are also babies who will not survive the perinatal period, most will survive but some will not. Their pictures do not decorate the walls outside the perinatal period but this story is one voice for them and for the mothers whose stories are usually not heard.
\nOur Toti did not survive, she came on a short 19-day journey that shook our world and took us on a tough and confusing journey, some of whose gifts I can already see and some I cannot.
\nShe chose this way and no other, and we fought for her and did our best at every stage, as did the medical team.
\nI'm not writing to make you sad, but this is the truth, this is part of the truth, some premature babies will not survive.
\nAt the time of writing these lines, 5 days after her death, I am a healthy, young 29-year-old. In the fifth month of pregnancy, for an unknown reason, bleeding began that lasted about a month with varying intensity. There was a hematoma above the cervix that led to the pregnancy being defined as a high-risk pregnancy and two hospitalizations, one for a day and a half and one for 8 days, Celestone, magnesium, blood and iron transfusions, Persolt to stop contractions, and then a sweet vaginal birth (which I insisted on) at 25+4 weeks following unstoppable contractions, dilation, and water breaking.
\nTuti was born breathing and red, but after 3-4 days in the world, Tuti had a really hard time breathing. She had BPD. She was ventilated and they couldn't wean her off the ventilator. She died of a sudden cerebral hemorrhage.
\nThe preterm period for us was an almost impossible period mentally (as it probably is for everyone). We held the ultimate hope, yet the reality that our pink dream might not come true. Tuti dropped to 700 grams and then went back up to 830 grams and never "moved" from the position closest to the nurses' station in the intensive care unit.
\nHow we loved her! We sang and talked to her, played games for her, celebrated her, held her hand and gave her a finger, which she held tightly in the palm of her tiny hand. She moved and squirmed, pulled out strings, sucked the tube when she received food and peeked at us with open eyes from time to time (she especially loved to make eyes at Daddy). While she was alive, we didn't get to hold her because she wasn't stable enough and the staff was afraid it would do more harm than good, but whenever we could, we tried to be partners in her care, changing her diaper and taking her temperature, and trying to be a little better for her whenever we could in every way we could think of. We talked to the doctors and nurses and asked thousands of questions. I pumped a lot of milk for her from the very first moment. We were in the nursery for hours even when we were the only parents.
\nMy intuition was right, something felt strange and I really didn't want to take the Celestone (steroids to mature the baby's lungs) and the magnesium (mainly to prevent bleeding in the baby's brain and to stop contractions to a certain extent) I probably knew inside myself. In the end, she got rid of exactly the factors that giving these substances was supposed to prevent. Why she had to go through such a journey of suffering, medications, breathing stops, injections, distance from us and more is not clear, but I think, after asking a friend who has expired somewhere that they don't remember, their soul or consciousness is not here yet at this stage.
\nPay attention to placenta previa + ongoing bleeding + previous miscarriages \u2013 a bright red light for a high-risk pregnancy and premature birth.
\nListen to your intuition!
\nIf this happens to you, I'm really sorry to hear, wow, how hard!
\nIn practice, we felt that at least we did the final act and burial in the most correct and "good" way after quite a lot of insistence, and for us it was a very significant closing of the circle.
\nYou can choose whether to bury in a single grave \/ mass grave, whether to attend the burial or not - I can try to help you understand - you have the right to take a moment to understand what you want to do - if you are pressured like they did to us, tell the hospital assertively - "We are allowed to take a day \/ two \/ three days to understand - don't pressure us!".
\nFor support, please call me at 0547624704, or if I don't answer, call my partner at 0509550466.
\nI wish the readers of this page easy and good children, pregnancies, and births.
\ngrace.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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