The birth of a premature baby brings with it a difficult emotional situation for the parents.

In addition to the need to care for the baby and provide for its needs (a huge topic in itself that we will not touch on here), the parents themselves are in a state of survival after a birth experience that is characterized by shock, trauma, depression, fear, and sometimes even regret of why I did this to myself and questions about the future such as: What will happen to my life?

The unique situation of the parents is not always discussed, the emotional difficulties are pushed aside a bit because there is the baby. And the situation, and who even has time...

But… because so much has changed in your world, parents, and it's important to raise the flag and take care of yourself too, because this trauma doesn't go away on its own.

On the contrary, it is restored when you go for a blood test, a visit to the doctor, and even with a flash of the smell of alcohol that reminds you of the preterm birth.

It is important to process the birth experience in every birth, especially a premature birth.

There is a huge gap between the dream of the baby to be and the baby that is born.

Between the expectation of the first period after birth and what actually happens

And it's important to talk about this gap, the distance between expectations and reality, to process and come to terms with it. It's worth giving it space, looking at what I went through, understanding for a moment what happened to us. Digest: This is a crazy market.

So what do we do in emotional care for parents of premature babies?

In therapy, we process and make room for the fact that we received the surprise we didn't order and we're not even sure we wanted it that way.

We have the legitimacy to feel the full range of emotions - sadness, anger, disappointment, a sense of failure - the traumatic experience of birth.

Talk about the trauma because talking heals.

We are starting to normalize life again. We are allowed to. We have more life besides birth and it is allowed and even desirable that we live it and try to enjoy other things. This will renew our energies and give us strength.

At the same time, we digest and try to accept that the child will be left with "therapeutic tails" that are as small as possible.

I highly recommend using any of the options for emotional therapy, groups, support, or parental guidance.

Despite the complexity, I believe that it is possible to hold onto hope, to go through the difficulty and suffering, to process it, to talk about it, to cry, to laugh, and to accept reality and life, to try to slowly accept reality as it is with love, even though it is not easy.

Yes, that's right, these are the cards we were dealt. We were dealt them without choosing.

But we still have a choice here. Our choice is how to relate to the new situation. We can go through a process and slowly accept that the situation is not perfect but can feel complete, and thus we will replace the suffering and anger with acceptance, love, and understanding that caring for a premature baby is much more complicated and complex, but leads to satisfaction and reward that carry a lot of meaning.

Liat Graf Afran,

Certified psychotherapist

Carer for parents of premature babies