"Why doesn't he have eyebrows?" was the first question Eviatar, the three-and-a-half-year-old eldest brother, asked when we finally brought Yoav home after five weeks of being late.
Two months since my water suddenly broke, two months that we've been on an emotional and health roller coaster, traveling the roads, juggling our lives on Saturdays and holidays. Two months in which Eviatar knows he has a brother, but he gets to see him once, distant and sad, and that's what preoccupies him... the invisible eyebrows of this blond, bright, yellow baby.
There, at the entrance to our house, our life as a couple and two children (and a dog) began. There we realized that for Eviatar, Yoav was a baby brother who joined the family, perhaps a little late, but just like in the books we read during pregnancy. Just a brother. To this day, I believe that Eviatar's innocent question is the cornerstone of the vision according to which we treated and raised Yoav from the very first moment.
routine
From the moment my water broke and I was hospitalized, we did everything we could to maintain Eviathar's routine, our home routine. We used all the available help, relieved ourselves in areas that were unnecessary hassle for us (such as cooking), and spent afternoons filled with all sorts of goodies in two different cities. One in the maternity ward and one at home with Eviathar. The familiar and protective routine (like "walls of a home" according to Adler) continued to accompany us even when Yoav arrived home.
Equal value
Despite the monitoring we were asked to do of Yoav's development and the endless tests we were sent for, we treated him like a "normal" baby. All the appointments, consultations, and treatments happened in the morning, when Avitar was in kindergarten. In the afternoons we were just parents, sometimes tired, sometimes confused, to a kindergartener and his baby brother.
Belonging through contribution and usefulness
One day, while I was pumping, I heard Eviatar walking back and forth in the hallway, imitating the sounds the machine made. Indeed, for months it was the soundtrack of our lives. After a brief and informative introduction to the device and its purpose, I made sure every day, during the afternoon pumping, to make sure my "helper" was by my side. A new world opened up to us. I received a supply of soft drinks, plays and quizzes to relieve boredom, and Eviatar was given a role in feeding his baby brother. Is there anything more important than that?
Place and location
Both boys trained in judo for years. There was never one strong and capable boy and the other small and weak. The circumstances of Yoav's arrival in life never influenced his choices or ours. We all watched in amazement as Eviatar's persuasive campaigns to join the group, which ultimately succeeded and lasted for many years. The boys maintain those muscles to this day, three times a week in the gym, together.
My Peg has everything, even eyebrows, mostly because that's what we decided.
Hamutal Livnat,
MBA
Parent instructor, graduate of the Adler Institute.
Who also happily meets with parents of premature babies.
