You decide to bring a child into the world alone, you decide to dedicate your whole being to something that has not yet been created, you look at the little toddlers running after their mothers and promise yourself that next year you will have one too.
The tears are flowing... and you know that soon you will be part of this cycle called "motherhood" treatment after treatment, disappointment following disappointment... the months pass, the days are counted, the hours are nerve-racking... and another negative answer, and another forced smile on the doctor's face... you look at yourself, look around And slowly... hopes are fading.
You wake up in the morning to the ringing of the phone... it fell out of your hands! You're sure you're in a dream... you pinch yourself, wipe away the tears and you can't believe that you just found out you're pregnant!
The days pass, the weeks are counted, the pregnancy is normal... you don't suffer from anything and welcome every nausea, every movement, every kick. The names run through your head, you are already planning the room, planning the birth, the alliance, the first year... Stories run through your mind and the countdown has begun.
You wake up in the morning, you experience an inexplicable pain, water is dripping from you and you refuse to believe it's real! You go to the hospital, repeat the number over and over... and you don't believe that at week 29 you can give birth.
The doctors talk to you, you run pictures in your head again, you tell yourself it's a bad movie, a nightmare, you pinch yourself and believe that the medicine will leave him in the stomach until week 40, because that's what they promised you!
You wake up in the hospital early in the morning, you find that whole gallons are washed out, you can't believe your eyes and the bleeding is non-stop.
You are led to the delivery room, you are not enough to receive an epidural and slowly... everything stops, everything revolves around you, the speech becomes slow, the images become blurry, you can barely breathe properly and only a small wail of tears wails in the background... you can't believe that you just became a mother, you You dream that they will put it on you, but you look at the doctors' race with him after the time.
And from here... nothing revolves around you anymore, it's no longer you and you! This is now him!
Lying with barely a kilo of sugar, inside an incubator... the hot steam warms his skin, the contact with it is so gentle that you are afraid it will break.
The tears flow, the fears increase and the sights are engraved deep in the memory.
There is no certainty if a baby comes out of here, nothing is certain anymore...
You hear in the background another cry of a mother who has lost her beloved, the beeping of the devices deafens your ears, the phone doesn't stop ringing... and your only wish is to get out of there already... to hold him in your arms without wires, without devices... to see his leg smooth without punctures, not to ask permission every minute to pick him up … because hey!! This is your son... someone here is getting a little confused.
Whisper in his ear that you're never leaving him, wipe away every tear, count another kilogram, cut another cord, say goodbye to the incubator, wean him from the probe... hear his sucking on the bottle, fight to shorten the stay, pump more milk, count the portions... and receive the news that tomorrow you're home .
It's not you anymore and it's not about you anymore... it's him... and your whole world is only him!
A little boy of a mother who already wanted so much to go out into the world.
Shalio was born on January 15, 2013 in Tel Hashomer after a quick and uninhibited birth.
A short wail echoed in the room and in less than half a minute he was rushed into the intensive care incubator.
I spent the first few hours with my hand on my pulse. The room began to spin, the beeping became deafening and the massive cluster of questions that was at the tip of my tongue was detached from the shock.
Day after day I held his hand, wiped away tears, sang fakes that only a mother and son can tolerate and hugged him close to my heart... so that he could hear my heartbeat and feel the warmth of my body.
Step by step we progressed, another sissy in the meal, another kilogram in weight, another thread dropped and cut off.
Thus we walked towards the room of the elders, the room of the rewards, the room from which the door opened and the direction was only for the exit.
28.02.13 You wore real baby clothes for the first time and at the weight of a real hero about 2,200 kilos I put you in a basket and promised you that from here it is a one-way ticket!
Happiness was mixed with fears, there is no more supervision, but there is a huge heart of a mother and two eyes that hunt your gaze at every opportunity.
Shalio is almost six months old today, smiles and laughs loudly, flips over and kicks with lots of energy. He sips from the bottle with great strength and tastes the taste of life at his own pace.
I was blessed with an angel, a true hero.
And if you ask me...
I wouldn't change even one day his early arrival into the world,
They let me enjoy it more time.