Coping with loss

Unfortunately, not every exit from Pagia is a happy one.

Although the ability to treat premature babies has advanced significantly in recent years, medicine still does not always have the upper hand. In most premature homes there are experienced and professional social workers who help process the loss. You can meet for one conversation that may organize and give you good tools to cope, or for several conversations (as needed) in order to get stronger. Sometimes the social worker refers to continued treatment in the community. Your sense of loss is legitimate. Yes, although the child never left the hospital, he was your child and with him hopes, dreams and beliefs were lost. A certain sense of loss will last throughout your life, but its intensity may dull over time. Keep in mind that the environment will try to encourage you to get pregnant and have a new child in order to compensate yourself. You may be told that "in your premature baby's condition, it's probably good that he's dead", or sentences with a similar meaning. Those close to you don't really know how to react to your loss, and they may say sentences that mean well (and sometimes also have a degree of truth in them) even if they are very hurtful. Tell your loved ones what you don't want to hear and what you do and talk about your pain with whoever you can. Talk to the hospital social worker or another professional. If relevant for you, find out with the rabbi what the bereavement laws are in your case.

If you are interested, find out if it is a fraternal burial, if it is possible to perform a private burial separately, or to indicate the name of the deceased on the fraternal grave.

The Lehab association has established a support forum for parents who have lost their child, the group contains parents who have experienced loss and you can contact them and receive support, the group is on Facebook and is called "Loss of a baby in the family - in cooperation with the Lehab association, for premature infants in Israel", the group is closed to protect the privacy of the participants , please contact the group manager or through the association's Facebook page. The way of thinking that helped most of us cope with the loss is the knowledge that, apparently, the best thing for that situation happened, even if we don't understand why. This fact, even if it does not make the sorrow and pain go away, makes it even a little easier to accept the verdict. If there is still a live pup in the piggie, try to focus your energies on him, on his health and integrity, try to draw strength from him to cope and try to be for him as much as possible. Yes, it's not 'fair', it's infuriating, it's outrageous, it's unimaginable. It doesn't leave your thoughts, it's a scar that will never go away. You feel that the world has fallen on you again, how many blows can a human being take (isn't the premature birth enough?) and once again, you feel alone and misunderstood. But it is important that you know, you are not alone, and unfortunately there are other parents who have experienced such a loss and feel the same feelings as you are feeling now. So allow yourself the time to grieve, help yourself with professional help or in one of the groups. Although it is not a consolation now, but indeed, like everything in life, here too time takes its toll. This bloody wound will slowly heal and only the scar will remain. It will never go away, but the pain will lessen.

You can contact the Facebook group of the Lehab association
"Loss of a baby in the family".

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